Here's an overdue update!

  I know that I am not good at keeping up with a blog, but even I was surprised to see how far behind I was. It's definitely time for an update! 

  We first found the boys' profile in November 2015. At the time, the boys were 4, 5, & 6 years old. As of a few days ago, they have all had birthdays and are 5, 6, & 7 now. We started the adoption process in January and I was hoping that we would at least get to meet the boys before the youngest turned 5. This appealed to me so much because I have never had a 4 year old before. But I have actually never had a 5 or 6 year old either, because the girls were 7 when we got them. This, of course, was my timeline, not God's. I have definitely learned that God's timing is always perfect, and rarely falls in line with my timing. The hardest part of our youngest boy's birthday was that it was the 4th birthday he has in an orphanage, without a family! His mommy is right here!! It just breaks my heart that I can't hold them and kiss them and love on them right now.  

  We have completed all of the paperwork, including our dossier, and we have received the official referral for the boys. It is just a matter of time and money at this point. We are waiting for our judge to set a court date right now. Once he does, we will need to go to Poland to be at that court date. We will be there anywhere from 6-8 weeks while everything is finalized and then we come home as a whole family! Finally! 

  The original amount of money that we needed to save and raise was staggering: $65,000! It was enough for me to think it was impossible. However, God clearly showed us that we are supposed to adopt these boys. And where God wills, He makes a way. We had applied to every grant possible and thought that was going to be how God pulled this off. We have received several grants, but we were denied even more grants. Even if we received the maximum from every grant left, it would not be enough to cover the rest of the costs. So, now that I can't see a clear possibility of how to pay these expenses, I start to doubt again. I personally don't see how it is possible, so it must not be, right? That is just logical. But how can I claim to have faith in a God who does the impossible and then not actually believe that He can do the impossible? I'm cutting my Savior short, even when He has done nothing but prove to me how AMAZING He really is! Justin has been my supporter through this, he has always reminded me that God is going to bring us through this. I constantly pray for God to strengthen my faith and trust in Him! To be fully funded for this adoption, we only need about $24,000 more. (This is mostly travel costs: Airline tickets for 7 people, hotel and food for the time we will be in Poland, and a few agency and foreign fees) I know this is still a lot, but compared to the original amount, we have come so far!! Throughout this whole process, we have prayed that God would get all of the glory. The more impossible that it seems, the more we will see God's hands working!    

  It has been really neat to see the girls growing through this experience too. Evalina started out completely against adopting again. Then she was okay with it, as long as it was a girl. Now, she is praying for her brothers and writing sweet notes to them about being adopted: "It is going to be really hard. But if we can do it, so can you!" That one made me cry! Availya has always been more accepting of it. She loves to take care of and help people, so getting 3 little brothers is right up her alley. Not to mention, that she likes to be bossy too! But they both now have a huge heart for orphans, which is just awesome to witness! 

  We have done about 10 fundraisers so far. Some have gone well, and some have gone horribly! We will continue to fundraise as God leads us, and cut costs to save up as much money as we can. We have been told that we should expect to travel to Poland sometime in October/November. So we have until then to get the rest of the $24,000 that we need. We ask that everyone prays for our family. Please pray for these boys, as tough as the waiting is for us, it is so much harder for them. They desperately want a family, and everyday that goes by is one more day without one. Please pray for Justin and me, that we will continue to follow God's leading and have a renewed faith in Him. And pray that all of us will be prepared for this huge transition in our family. 

  If you feel God tugging on you to help financially, you can donate to our matching grant by clicking here. Your donation is tax-deductible! 

  We have had an overwhelming support in the last few days. It has been very encouraging! There have been times that I have felt discouraged in this adoption, and I can't tell you how much it lifts my spirit to hear an encouraging word from someone! If you are thinking about us or praying for us, please don't hesitate to just tell us that. It truly means the world to us!! 

Adoption Update

First of all, I am terrible at blogging. If I thought I was bad before, I am much worse now that I have kids! If you read my last blog, then you already know how we came to the decision to adopt again, and how we chose these 3 brothers in Poland (We didn't actually choose them, God did!).

Here is the update on where we are in the process:
We have completed our home study! The next step is to complete our dossier. The dossier is a mixture of birth certificates, marriage certificates, financial worksheets, background checks, employment verification, medical certificates, etc. It is basically just proving that we are who we say we are, and that we are in a position to be able to bring more children into our home. Our dossier is complete, other than we are just waiting on permission from our government to adopt three children from Poland. We have to get FBI fingerprints for this, and we should have our approval around the middle of May. Once we get this approval, our dossier gets sent to Poland and we can officially accept the referral for the boys. We then have to wait for another approval and a court date. If everything goes smoothly and quickly, we could be in Poland around August or September of this year! We will have to be in Poland between 6-8 weeks, but we will be with the boys the whole time, and then we bring them home with us. Everything seems to be moving very fast.

Here is the update on where we are financially in the process:
We have been able to pay all of the fees that we have encountered so far! Don't get me wrong, there are fees due NOW that our agency wants us to pay. But none of these fees are holding us back at this point. We have been able to continue doing all of our paperwork and moving forward with the process. However, we will get to a point where the fees have to be paid before they will let us go further. For example, once our dossier is complete (around the middle to end of May), they will not send it to Poland unless we have paid some of the fees that are due. At that point, it will be another $18,500 that we will have to pay. Then before we can travel, there will be another $17,000 that will need to be paid. Beyond that, it is just travelling expenses, which will still be a lot since we will have to pay for airfare and staying in a foreign country for 6-8 weeks. These are staggering numbers! It seems so overwhelming and impossible to think of these whole amounts. It's very easy to get discouraged. However, we worship an amazing God, and nothing is impossible for Him. We have applied for every adoption grant that we qualify for, and we are praying to start hearing positive answers soon. We also are planning a big Kentucky Derby party fundraiser for May 7. We did this fundraiser when we were adopting the girls and it was very successful! We are hoping for this one to go just as well, if not better.

Here is the update on where we are mentally and emotionally in the process:
We go back and forth from being excited and hopeful, to down and discouraged on a daily basis. Going through an adoption is very hard and often times very lonely. On top of that, we don't have the money to complete the adoption, so we have to humble ourselves and ask for it. We have tried to do a few fundraisers already, and some have completely bombed, literally raising no money at all! And with some fundraisers, we have raised some money, but it was only a fraction of what we started out to raise. However, each time it was just what we needed to be able to move forward with each small step. We were able to watch God work in amazing ways when we adopted the girls. Like, when we were short by $350 for a fee, and then got a check in the mail for $360. Or when we were counting on a grant for $4,000, that we found out couldn't be used until later. So we counted on a fundraiser to cover that $4,000, but we only made a little over $3,000, just to go home and have a $1,000 check waiting in the mailbox for us! We had seen this kind of thing happen so many times that by the end of that adoption, we had our tickets bought to go get the girls and we were leaving in just 2 weeks, but we were still short by almost $4,000. But we weren't even worried about it! We KNEW that God was going to provide, we had no doubts. And he did, we had had several interviews with a grant agency, and they awarded us a $4,000 grant just under 2 weeks before we were planning to fly out. You can't make this stuff up. God is truly amazing! But we have so easily forgotten all of this. Sure, God was able to do it that time, but surely He won't do it again, right? It is so hard to just trust God! We are struggling with it everyday! I can't even tell you how much it means to hear people say positive things about this adoption! It is so encouraging to get little notes and comments from people. And it can be very discouraging when we get silence from others. I still feel like we are a little crazy for doing this, so it is very easy to assume that other people feel that way too. But however crazy I feel, I know that we have drowned this decision in prayer and we still do. There is no doubt in my mind that we are on the path that God has lead us to and we will continue to go down it until we reach the end or God tells us to stop. This does not mean that we are not scared. I am terrified to become a mother to 5 children! I know that I don't have the strength or the wisdom to do it. I have to depend on God through this! Please pray for us to have confidence in our God and His ability to supply our needs!

Please pray for these precious boys, that they would be taken care of until we can go get them. Pray that we will all be ready for this transition into a family of 7. This is ALL for His glory! Please pray that we will always make this about Christ and not about us. That we will get our hope and encouragement through Him and not through the approval of others.

Thank you to everyone who has supported us in any way. It has not been taken for granted, and it has all been appreciated more than you know!

If you do feel led to help these boys financially, we have a few options:
You can donate through You Caring by clicking the "Donate Now" button at the right or click here:
You Caring

For a tax-deductible donation, you can donate through Pure Charity at:
Hansen Family Adoption

Or you can send a check, just ask for our address.

Again, thank you to everyone! Thank you for taking the time to read about our family and this adoption! We are so grateful for the part that everyone is playing in our children's lives and the impact that we are all making for orphans!

Adopting Again?!

Quick update on Availya and Evalina:
We have had them home for a year!! It's so hard to believe! Thinking back about the "waiting", it's hard to even remember. It was SO hard when we just waited and waited for 3 years, but now life is just normal. Don't get me wrong, it's not easy, as any of you with kids know. But we have fallen into a new normal. It's hard to remember what life was like without our girls.
In the last year, I (Kathy) have been homeschooling the girls. They have finished 1st grade and half of 2nd grade. They tested in the 80% in math and English, amazing!! We are working on getting caught up with other kids their age. We are working through the summer to get them into 4th grade by next school year. We are not pushing them though, they are very smart and they like to learn.
They have completely lost their native language, Bulgarian. It's hard to believe that you could speak a language for 7 years, and then completely forget it in just one year! They are mostly fluent in English, with a few mistakes here and there. They don't even understand when I speak the little Bulgarian that I know. Evalina still has a slight accent, but Availya sounds like a good, ol' American country girl!
They have started piano lessons, and playing basketball. They are just starting to learn, but they are doing well and enjoying it.
They are attaching well. There are still times that we wonder how attached they really are, but our bond is getting stronger everyday!

A little before Thanksgiving, Justin told me that he was feeling like we should adopt again, not knowing that I had been having the same feelings. So we started talking and praying about it. A few days later, as we met with our adoption counselor about the girls, he mentioned out of the blue that we should consider adopting again. We felt that we were being nudged, so we started to look into it more. I was thinking that we should adopt domestically. I wasn't comfortable with adopting an infant, but I wanted to go with a younger child this time. Justin was thinking more about international, and he wanted an older sibling group again. The only thing we agreed on is that we both wanted boys this time. We were on totally different pages, so we just continued to talk and pray about it. In the end, we both wanted to just be as open as possible and let God lead us. We started to look through waiting children profiles, this includes kids from all over the world, including the United States. There were several kids that we thought were cute or sweet, but none that we felt nudged towards. Slowly, I had moved from wanting 1 child to being open to 2 children. But I wouldn't even consider 3 kids, or kids over 5 years old. Of course, this was all because of what I wanted, not what God wanted. Then I began to warm to the idea of older sibling groups. Not everyone can or wants to adopt older children, especially when they come with siblings, which is completely understandable. However, these kids need a home too. For some reason, (definitely not because of our abilities) God has given both of us a heart for older children. As much as I would love to have all of my children from birth, I feel like God is calling us to do it differently.

We came across a sibling group of 3 brothers one day. They were really cute. But 3 kids?! We already have 2, so that would make 5!!! That's crazy! I saved their profile and showed it to Justin, but I really didn't think it would go anywhere. Justin felt like he should call and inquire about them, just to see. Surprisingly, they were very helpful and thought that it would be completely possible to start now and still be able to bring them home in just 8-12 months. (This is super speed in the adoption world!) Sure, maybe it could be done, but there is no way that God is asking us to do this. It's just too crazy! We wanted to do our due diligence and pray about it anyway. Instead of feeling a leading away from these boys, we actually both felt lead to them. We kept inquiring about them and praying for God to close a door, but it never happened. The door kept standing wide open and wouldn't close no matter how much we prayed that it would. We dragged our feet for a while, and then realized that the only thing left to do was walk through that open door. This was going to take so much faith though.

So here we are inching our way through the door. We don't know exactly what is going to happen, but we are faithfully following the path that God has set before us. We are trying to keep our trust in Him, and it is very difficult! We have started doing the paperwork, and have even set up an appointment to get our home study updated. The only thing that is holding us back is the funding. We just don't have it!

Throughout our first adoption, God provided the fees every time they were due. Of course, He always waited until the last minute (I think to test our faith!). I know that God is faithful, and if this is what He wants us to do, then He will provide!! Please pray for all of us as we go through this process again! If God is calling you to give financially, please give. It is so humbling to ask for money, but this money is not for us. This money is going to give a home to 3 orphans. It's going to put these boys into a family that will love them and teach them about their Savior, Jesus Christ! Ultimately, this money will go towards the command in James 1:27, to look after orphans in their distress!
Thank you so much for supporting us! Words of encouragement mean so much to us!

We have set up a donation site with YouCaring. You can visit here: https://www.youcaring.com/justin-kathy-hansen-492181 There is more information and updates there. There is a Donate button on the right that will also take you straight to the site to help with adoption costs. 

Thanks again! 

Finally getting our girls (Part 1)

I am pretty sure that I am the world's worst blogger! It's been about six months since I have posted an update, and SOOO much has happened. I'll start where I left off last time. (We were still waiting for a court date)

We had to wait until our Bulgarian judge came back from vacation to schedule our court date. She was supposed to come back in October. So on October first, I called our adoption agency to ask if we had a court date yet. (After waiting for two months, I had no patience left!) Surprisingly, She had scheduled our date already. On October 14th, our girls would officially be "OUR" girls, Availya Grace Hansen and Evalina Joy Hansen!!! That was just 2 weeks away at that point. We thought that those 2 weeks would go by so slow, we had nothing to do but wait. However, our agency called and told us that our fingerprints were about to expire and we would have to travel all the way out to WV to redo them. (Didn't know that your fingerprints could expire, did you? Apparently, they are only good for 15 months!) Ok, well at least this was giving us something to do. But before we could get that scheduled, even before our court date, our agency decided just to get us over to Bulgaria and bring the girls home before our fingerprint expiration. We found out that we would be leaving to get our girls in just 3 weeks!!! Wow, that was fast! Now we have a million things to do, we thought we had at least 7-8 weeks! But we were able to get everything together pretty easily. The only thing we were lacking was about $4,000. I know this sounds like a lot, but international adoption is expensive. We had gone through 3 years of seeing these huge fees staring us in the face with weeks and sometimes only days until the due date. God supplied every single time in miraculous ways. We had finally learned our lesson. God was going to provide!! Even though we only had 3 weeks, and we literally would not be able to bring them home without this money, neither one of us was worried. Two weeks before we were scheduled to leave, I had another phone interview with a grant agency. The interview went well, but you just never know. They called me back and told me that we were approved for a $4,000 grant. Seriously folks, you can't make this stuff up! God had, once again, pulled through with the exact amount that we needed to finish the adoption. Our God is so AMAZING! We were fully funded and officially done with all adoption fees. PRAISE THE LORD!!

Now on to our second trip: We were able to book tickets that would give us a 35 hour layover in Vienna, Austria! This would give us some extra time to get used to the time difference, and give Justin and I a last opportunity for it to be just us.  We had a wonderful couple in our church donate their hotel points to book us a hotel in Vienna.

 

The foster mom's biological children just happened to live in Vienna. We were able to set up a meeting with them while we were there as well. We had to have a translator with us, but we were able to ask so many questions. The girls really mean a lot to that entire family. We are so glad that they were so well taken care of and loved in Bulgaria!

 

 

We spent the rest of the time sight seeing and exploring. It was beautiful and fun, but we were so anxious to get to Bulgaria.

 

We finally got to Sofia, Bulgaria, and we had 1 day to get settled in the apartment and stocked up with groceries for the week that we would be staying there with the girls. The next day, we started our 5 hour drive to their town to pick the girls up. We left super early and got there around noon. Click this link to see a video of when we just arrived to get the girls:

 https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=645674558761&set=vb.291000637&type=3

We spent a few minutes talking to the social workers there and saying goodbye. The foster mom was there and we had to watch as the girls hugged her and said goodbye. That was gut wrenching. Availya took it all pretty well, but Evalina was very upset and did not want to leave her. They understood that they were going to America with us and this was the last time that they would see their foster mom, "Aunt". At one point, Evalina ran out of the building crying. Availya and I chased after her and I picked her up and carried her to the car. The 5 hour ride back to Sofia, took us at least 7 hours. Availya was ready to go, but Evalina cried off and on for the entire trip. It was so hard to hold Evalina as her new mom, while she cried for her foster mom. I completely understood was she was going through, but it didn't make it any easier! The next day, Availya and Evalina switched places. Evalina was doing fine emotionally, and seemed to start bonding with us. Availya was a wreck, having crying fits and tantrums. She was always either ecstatically happy or depressingly sad, there was no middle ground. We had very little to do, except wait. We had visa and passport meetings, doctor appointments and then the final embassy exit interview. Between those, we just tried to live a normal family life. We would play games, watch movies, go for walks, we even went to the zoo and bowling.

 

Availya would do pretty good while in the apartment, and she would be excited to go somewhere, but as soon as we would leave, she would go into this depressed state. She would normally come out of it as soon as we came back. She still struggles with this now, but not quite as bad. She is a homebody, for sure. The language barrier was still pretty bad at first. They really only knew a few words and phrases. We had to use hand gestures and point at pictures for a lot of things. Also, Google Translate was our good friend for a while. We still use it occasionally for random words. We really struggled with Availya not wanting to bond with Justin. She was okay sometimes, but she would always prefer to be with me. She would even shrink away from him when he would go to hug or kiss her. Every single day since we first picked them up, has been a learning experience for all 4 of us.

To be continued...
 (This is part 1, there is too much to write about!)

 



Adoption Update

To prepare for this update, I thought it would be a good idea to re-read my last update again and see where I left off. Reading again about our first trip was just the encouragement I needed. It still just feels so surreal to me, and I think "Did all of that really happen?". I know it did, but it just seems like it was so long ago! Remembering our goodbyes, brought tears to my eyes. I know that I get to see them on the computer every week, but remembering what it was like to hold them, hug them, kiss them... and now I am crying again!

 

I don't know how to explain how I am feeling, but I will try. I miss those girls SO much that sometimes my heart just aches. But then, in the next moment, I think of how inadequate I am to be a mother, and I am so scared to get them home and mess them up. This all translates into a huge jumble of fear, sadness, doubts, love and many other emotions that settle into the pit of my stomach. Lately though, God has sent me a lot of encouragement! Our church service last week was about waiting, and why God makes us wait. I am not ready! Not, "their room is not ready", or "we don't have all the money yet", but "God is not finished preparing me yet". I have been reminded that I need to focus on my spiritual walk with God, and that is what will prepare me to be a mother. Like I said before, I am inadequate, but my God is more than adequate!! He is all I need! A wonderful new mother in my church has been such an encouragement to me lately too. I look around at moms who "have it all together" and think, how am I ever going to have it all together like them? I have nothing together! But this mom explained to me that everyone feels this way, no one is perfect and we all have doubts. And from the outside, I look like I have it all together too! Oh. God has brought this woman into my life to tell me exactly what I need to hear. I need to stop depending on my own abilities and remember that "I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me..." Thank you!

Back to the girls. So we still Skype with them every Sunday morning. We only have a translator there every other week, and it's actually more fun when she's not there. We are then forced to communicate and understand each other through motions and facial expressions. And if all else fails, we go to the weekly staple of arguing back and forth about which is better, chocolate or vanilla ice cream! Dad and A like vanilla, mom and E like chocolate. We can go back and forth on this topic for several minutes! :) The girls have always been told about adoption, and that they would have parents one day. So they understand the concept. They even call their foster parents, aunt and uncle. But remember, they are only 7 and have been with this foster family since they were 4, so this is the only family that they remember. They are very attached to this family, which is great, because a lot of orphaned children have trouble attaching to anyone. But it is so hard to think of taking them away from this family who clearly loves them and takes very good care of them. When I thought about "saving an orphan", I thought that we would be taking them from a dirty orphanage where they get no love and attention. But they are in a loving, safe, and stable home. There are two things that are helping me cope with this: 1) Since June of 2007, we have been praying that God would prepare us for adoption one day, and that we would take care of and protect our children, whoever and wherever they may be. This foster family is the answer to that prayer. They are loving and protecting our children until we can bring them home. And 2) They are not learning about Christ in their foster home. I often think, "Can I be as good of a mom to these girls as the foster mom? What makes me think they will be better off with us, than staying where they are?". Our ultimate goal is not to "save" orphans from a dirty, nasty orphanage; but for Christ to "save" them from a dirty, nasty life of sin and separation from Him. I may not understand all these little questions and doubts that have crept into my mind. But I do understand that God has called us to adopt these girls, and I should not question His Will. So I will follow down this road that He has lead us on, and trust Him to show us the way.

So, where are we in the process? Well, all we need is a court date! This court date will be the day that we are legally declared the parents of our girls. We don't have to be there for court, there is lawyer who will be there for us. We were assigned to a judge at the end of July. We knew that the judges all take vacation for the month of August, so we waited patiently for September to come. But we still didn't get a court date. I asked our agency about it, and told me that our Judge has been there for a long time, so she gets EXTRA VACATION! One month isn't enough, let's give her two! Ughhh! So now we have to wait until October for her to come back to the office. And of course, September has been the slowest moving month of this entire year! Best case scenario: We get our court date scheduled as soon as she gets back, and court would be in mid-October, we could then travel in 4 weeks to get them in mid-November. Of course if anyone drags their feet (That doesn't happen in the government, does it?) then it could be later. Our hope is that we can at least have them home for Christmas this year.

Please pray for us as we wait, pray for patience, but also pray that God prepares all 4 of us to be a family for Him. We also still don't have all the money that we will need to finish the process, so pray that God will provide, as He always has. Our wonderful church is throwing us an "Adoption Shower" to help us prepare for the girls, and they have also set up a money tree to help with fees. This is such a huge blessing for us!!! We have heard back from only 1 more of the grants that we applied for, they approved us for a $1,000 grant! Yay! If you would like to help financially to bring these girls home, there a t-shirt fundraiser on the right hand side, at the top of the blog. They are only taking orders until the end of this month, and then they are closing for good. So, hurry and get your shirt. You can also donate to Paypal, also on the right, top of the blog.

Or you can donate to:
Lifesong for Orphans
202 N. Ford St. - PO Box 40 

Gridley, IL 61744
write in the memo line: preference Hansen #2821

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Our first family meeting

We are long overdue for a blog update... It seems like it has been go, go, go since we got back in country. But here we go...

We finally had our first trip to Bulgaria at the end of May. We have been talking about this country for almost 3 years and finally got to go there. I (Kathy) was dreading the flights!! In fact, on our very first flight, I actually said that I wished we didn't have to do this. As we were taxiing down the runway, I seriously thought that I wanted to tell them to stop the plane because I couldn't do it. Of course, I couldn't do that, so I just squeezed Justin's hand and prayed that God would keep us safe. We were either in an airplane or airport for 24 hours straight, it was exhausting!! But after 3 planes rides and 2 pat downs (both on me of course, because I look so dangerous), we made it safely to Bulgaria.

We got through customs, got our luggage and found our driver. The first thing she tells us is that there is another family that will be with us. What? Another family? Just riding with us from the airport? Oh no, they will be with us the entire time! We were not told about that. I can't say that we were happy about having to share this experience with a couple that we didn't know. But more about them later.

We packed up all of our stuff and got to see the capital city, Sofia. I would love to say that it was beautiful, but I can't. It is a huge city, but very cramped. There are cars parked everywhere, good luck finding a spot. And every building was covered in graffiti! Thankfully, our much beloved family pastor had gotten us a free hotel, and it was in the business part of Sofia. This part is much nicer, and it was a 5-star hotel!! It was AMAZING, thanks Rich and Barbie! So we got to the hotel, and tried to stay up a little longer so we could sleep through the night. I think I made it until about 8pm, Justin conked out sometime before that.

View from our hotel

 

The next day, we left early to drive to the city where the kids were. {Fun fact: In Bulgaria, they actually drive on the right side of the road.} This city was at least 5 hours away! So both couples, along with 2 translators, and all six of our luggage crammed into one car to make the trip. It was not the most comfortable situation. Now, we had been warned about the driving in Bulgaria, by another couple. So I was prepared for it to be bad, and it was! But even though they all drove too fast and cut each off and followed too closely, I was encouraged by the fact that we didn't see any wrecks at all. Then as we were turning around after a missed turn, a big truck ran into us!! No one was hurt, just shocked, and really there was minimal damage. (The name on the truck was "Speedy", ironic huh?) But the police report took over an hour on our already 5 hour trip. Ugh!! Don't these people realize that we are on our way to meet our children for the first time?!

With our new Bulgarian cop friend.

 

 

Anyways, off we go again... So, the closer we got to the city, the more nervous we got. How do I describe this feeling? It was kind of like the feeling you would get on a first date, you think... I hope they like me, I hope they think I'm pretty, I hope I'm everything they've dreamed I would be... Most parents know their children from the first day they were born, but our children will have a first impression of us, that they will probably remember for the rest of their lives. How nerve-racking is that? We were told that the kids were already there, so as we walk up to the municipal building, my eyes are darting around everywhere to try and catch a glimpse of them. We come up to the office door and I think, they must be inside. So we are psyching each other up, getting excited, and we open the door... and they aren't in there. Just a bunch of social workers who want to talk to us first. Oh, ok. So, do we have any questions for them? Um, yeah, where are my kids? Like I can think of questions at a time like this. So they gave us some good information about the girls and their history and then they move on to the other couple. We sit back and relax, thinking that it will be a while until we were finished and... in walk our girls! Wait, this wasn't the big moment that I dreamed of when we finally get to see our kids face-to-face. I shouldn't be surprised, nothing has happened the way I thought it would so far. We shuffled into another room and gave the girls some presents (coloring books and crayons). As they colored, we just sat next to them and tried to interact as much as we could. We had been told that on the first day they would just tell them that we were friends, and not that we were there to adopt them. Apparently, some people have backed out of the adoption after the first day, so they do this to protect the children. It was a little weird, because there was no chance of us backing out, but we just went along with it. Well, one of the girls, A, asked the social worker if we were going to adopt them and she told them yes. So they got super excited and said "Mom! Daddy!" in their little Bulgarian accents. Talk about your heart just breaking! I wasn't quite prepared for that in the first 10 minutes! I would have thought that them calling me mom would be overwhelming and emotional, but they are my kids and honestly, it felt normal and natural. They told the translator that they thought I was pretty and liked my hair because they had pictured me with long hair. Whew! Thank goodness, their first impression was good. I had been so worried, but they took to me right away. Dad was a different story though, they honestly didn't care much for him at first. The second girl, E, would go to him, but that was just because A was "hogging mommy" (her own words). We had been prepared for something like this to happen, but for some reason, Justin thought it would go the other way and they would take to him first. He was definitely disappointed. We then took the girls out to the playground. They have a lot of energy! They only wanted to come to mom, but then dad started picking them up, spinning them around and putting them on his shoulders. They wanted me to do this too, but I said that only dad does that kind of stuff, so they would want to go to him. So then they wanted daddy because he could do the fun stuff, and they still wanted mom, well, because I'm MOM! :) This definitely helped them to start bonding with dad too. We spent a few hours with them and then left to go to the hotel, it was a long, hot, exhausting day, so we were ready to go. The six of us (both couples and the 2 translators) went to dinner together. In Bulgaria, you better have a couple of hours for a meal, they are in no rush. {Fun fact: They don't bring out every one's food at one time, they bring it out whenever it's ready. Some people might be completely finished before others have any food.}     

Some of our amazingly delicious Bulgarian food! Yum!!

 

The next day, we got to go to the girls school and watch them do their "repetition". We really had no idea what this meant. It was basically what we would call a rehearsal for their kindergarten graduation. We were told that they needed the girls to come because they had big parts in the program, but we had no idea how big! They were involved in every song and dance, and they each had their own speaking parts! There were about 50 kids, and our girls were picked out to do 2 of the 3 speaking parts. They were also picked to be 2 of the 4 dancers in what we call the "Umbrella dance". We were pleasantly surprised at how well they did. The are so smart and talented, we are so blessed! I am so glad that we were allowed to go watch them, and of course I video taped it, but I can't post it yet. The girls also got to introduce us to some of their friends and teachers while we were there. It almost makes us sad to be taking them away from the school where they are thriving. But we have to remember that their future as orphans in Bulgaria isn't good. God had a plan to bring us all together, and we should just be thankful that they are in a good situation while we can't be with them.

 

The next couple of days were pretty much the same. We would meet the girls in the morning at the park, play for a few hours, go eat lunch, play for several more hours and then send them to their foster home. We basically spent the entire days in the park outside where it was very hot. We were exhausted everyday! {Fun fact: In Bulgaria, they nod their head up and down for "no" and side to side for "yes", the opposite of us. This is very confusing in conversations!}

 

On the last day with the girls, we only got until lunch to be with them because we had to drive the 5 hours back to Sofia that night. I had been fine emotionally for the whole trip so far, I hadn't cried once. But as we walked up to the foster mom, I knew that this was the last time I would see them for several months. Our adoption coordinator had told us not to cry in front of the girls, so I tried my hardest to hold it in until they were walking away. We gave our hugs and kisses and said our "I love yous" (Justin taught them how to say it in English). I did it, they were walking away and so I let the tears fall. Well, after they had only gone a few steps, they turned around to wave and I could see the concerned looks on their faces because mom and daddy were crying. We tried to smile through the tears so they wouldn't worry or get upset. For the next 50 yards or so, they practically walked backwards so they could wave and blow kisses to us. It was very sweet, but torture at the same time. I just needed to break down, but had to keep it together. They weren't supposed to see us walk away, so we had to stand there until they went around the corner. We then went into the office to do an exit interview. I wasn't able to say anything but "thank you" to the social workers as I was bawling my eyes out. I knew our goodbyes would be hard, but you just can't prepare yourself for a moment like that. We had waited almost 3 years to meet our children. Then after only a few days with them, we had to say goodbye not knowing when we would see them again. It's heartbreaking!

 

All in all, we had a wonderful time. We got to know our kids personalities, their likes and dislikes, their faults and strengths... the list goes on and on. This was an experience that the 4 of us will never forget! We have tons of stories about the girls and the trip, but there isn't enough time or space to write them all now.

 

Back in Sofia, we didn't have anywhere to stay, because we came back a day earlier than we thought we would. This is where that other couple comes in... We had not been happy at all to have another couple with us at first, nothing against them personally, we just didn't want to share our experience with people we didn't know. But after the first day, I realized how great it was to have them... someone else who was American and spoke fluent English that we could talk to... another first time mother meeting her kids and knowing exactly how I was feeling... we definitely bonded! So, when we had no where to stay in Sofia, they offered to share their "apartment" with us. It was 2 bedrooms, and we were able to split the cost so we each saved money. It also gave us the opportunity to spend more time together and talk about everything. God knew what we needed and what would be best for us, even though we didn't agree at first. God is so good!

 

The next day, we signed the papers to officially accept the girls for adoption and to change their names!! {Not-so-Fun fact: We are not allowed to post the girls names, pictures, location, or any personal information until the adoption is finalized.}

 

 

We then had 2 days to explore the country before we came back home. I got in contact with a missionary to Macedonia, which is right next to Bulgaria, through  a co-worker. She happened to be in Sofia that same weekend, so we were able to get together. She could understand the language and she was able to drive. It's amazing how God works things out. She took us to the top of the mountain, the one in the picture above. And accidentally (because we got lost) to the historic Boyana church.

 

       

We got to hear all about how she became a missionary and why in Macedonia. Justin said he knew that he had just met her, but felt like he'd known her for years. She was such a blessing.

On Sunday, our missionary friend Betty, took us to the International Baptist Church in Sofia. It was wonderful to be in a room full of people speaking English. Many of the missionaries there were from America and one was actually from Virginia! But the best part was being able to sing praises to our Lord and Savior after the most amazing adventure that He brought us on. We spent the rest of that day exploring more of Sofia and preparing for our trip back home.

 

 

 Since we have been back, we have been able to Skype with the girls every Sunday morning. It lasts about an hour. It is a little frustrating because they don't speak much English, but we wave, smile, blow kisses and make faces at each other. We do have an English tutor who is teaching them a couple of lessons a week. We were told that they won't be fluent from these lessons, but it is good mental preparation for the transition. They are very smart, and very excited to learn English so we think and hope that they will catch on quickly.

 

There are 4 steps that need to happen for us to go back and bring the girls home. It is all government and court stuff that I will not bore you with. We have passed the first 2 steps and hope to reach the third one by the end of July. However, the Bulgarian government shuts down for the month of August, so nothing will happen during that month. They will pick it back up in early September, and we are told that there is a 4-6 week time frame to reach that last step. Which means that if everything goes well, we should be planning our second trip in October!!!

 

We still have 2 fees left to pay, the first one is covered by a grant that we received a while back, the second is the largest international fee, $8,900. But after that fee, all that's left is travelling expenses. For the second trip, we will have to be in country for 10 days, this is to take care of all legal, visa, and medical stuff that needs to be done before the girls can leave the country. But we will have the girls with us the entire time, and will be there legal parents. We estimate the remaining cost to be about $15,000 (includes the last fee, travel and in-country costs). That sounds like a lot of money, but somehow God will provide. He has seen us through the entire process so far, and we trust that He will see us through to the end! We have applied for 5 additional grants and have only heard back from 1 (we didn't get that one). Please pray that we hear back soon from the other 4, with good news. Also, pray that we would have peace and patience through the next several months and that God would be preparing all 4 of us to be one family! 

 

Thank you to all of our friends and family!! We would not have gotten this far if it wasn't for your love, encouragement, prayer support and financial support. We can't begin to explain how much it means to us! We have been amazed at how our God works, and our faith and trust in Him continues to grow daily.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Light at the end of the tunnel...

    Well, we got our answer about the 3 kids that I wrote about previously. We are not getting them! We found out about a month ago, but I was in no place to write about it. We had fallen in love with those children, we had started making plans and choosing names for those children. The day we were told "no" to them was by far the lowest day of the adoption process for us. We really felt that God had worked everything out perfectly for these kids, so getting a "no" was very confusing for us. I still don't really know what God was doing through that whole situation, and I may never know. But we have to trust that God knows what is best and that His Will is better than ours. We found out at the same time, that we had gotten our official referral. This is what we have been waiting on for almost 3 years. Of course, we were so sad about losing the 3 kids that we weren't able to even look at our referral. This should have been a wonderful day, but it was horrible. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen. But we had to grieve those 3 kids. When Justin came home that day, he cried like I have never seen him cry, and we just held each other. I cry now just thinking about how hurt we were. The pain was unbearable, I begged God to take it away. And by the end of that next day, He had just turned my heart around and helped me to get past all of that hurt. Justin had a little harder time with it, it took him a bit longer. He had gotten himself a little more invested into those kids, where I had guarded myself more. It was great to see how excited he was getting, but then it hurt him even more when we didn't get them.

    The only thing that we had gotten from our official referral was pictures, we didn't have any other information. The pictures were so sad, not good pictures at all. So going from 3 happy smiling children to these sad, scared looking children was hard. We didn't get that immediate "those are my children" feelings. I don't know what we expected, but we thought we would just know the moment we set our eyes on them. We didn't. In fact we were so confused about the whole situation that we really didn't even talk about the referral much.

    A few days later, we got more information, more pictures and then videos for our referral. They are absolutely beautiful twin, 6 year old girls. They are healthy and gorgeous! Justin was disappointed to not be getting any boys anymore, but he went Barbie shopping for the first time and loved it! I swear, they already have him wrapped around their little fingers and he hasn't even met them yet. :) Needless to say, we said "yes" to them!!! Today is my very first mother's day as a mother!! I don't get to hold my children in my arms today, but they are in my heart. Just knowing who they are and being able to look at their faces is enough for me right now.

    We have probably about 8 or 9 videos of the girls, but everything is in Bulgarian. It is great to see them interacting, but we have no idea what is going on or what they are talking about. Justin had the opportunity to meet with a lady that is from Bulgaria a couple of weeks ago. I probably mentioned her in a previous blog, we just met her by chance (really by God) about 2-3 years ago and have kept up with her through Facebook. She agreed to watch the videos and translate them for us so we would know what is going on. There is one video where one of the girls gets excited, throws her hands in the air and starts jumping up and down. We were wondering what she was getting so excited about. Well, one of the adults had told her that a family in America was looking to adopt them and that's when she gets all excited and she actually says "mom and dad" while she is jumping up and down. My heart broke when I found about that. These girls understand what is going on, they want to be adopted, they are excited about it.

    We fly out to meet them in just a few days!! I am excited and scared and nervous, just about every feeling and emotion is going through us right now. After almost 3 long years of waiting, we get to meet our children in just a few days. We don't get to bring them home yet, we will have to leave them there during the court process which will take between 3-5 months. But hopefully in the fall we will be flying back to get them and bring them home.

When I first started this blog, I talked about how Justin and I had started praying that God would prepare us for adoption before we were even married. Well, we met in April 2007, and after only a couple of months we had talked about getting married and our desire to adopt one day. So about June 2007 is when we started praying about it. Well, our girls were born in June 2007!! God knew exactly what He was doing when He brought us together and has been working out His plan all this time. God is SO good!

    Please pray for us as we fly out to meet them. I have never been out of the country and Justin has only been to Canada. This is definitely going to be a culture shock for us both. Also, our girls do not speak any English and I can only say a few phrases in Bulgarian. We will have an interpreter, but pray that we can all bond and attach to each other. Pray for all of us as we have to leave without them, I know that is going to be VERY hard for everybody. Also, pray that the rest of the finances are provided. We recently had a party/fundraiser where our goal was to raise $4,000. We had a great turn out and ended up raising $3,500. Then we had a few donations come in the mail from people who couldn't make it to the party which put us within about $5 of our goal! I don't know how we ever doubt God, when He always comes through in the most amazing ways! So this trip is totally funded. We will have 2 more fees that will come due during the court process and then it's just the second trip expenses and we are done. All in all, we are looking at less than $15,000 away from everything being completely paid for. I know that sounds like a big number, but God has supplied in big ways this whole time. We have had such amazing support from family, friends and church family. God has blessed us so much and these girls are going to be a part of an amazing family (including our church family!). I can't wait to meet them and hold them for the very first time, this has been a LONG time coming! :)