To prepare for this update, I thought it would be a good idea to re-read my last update again and see where I left off. Reading again about our first trip was just the encouragement I needed. It still just feels so surreal to me, and I think "Did all of that really happen?". I know it did, but it just seems like it was so long ago! Remembering our goodbyes, brought tears to my eyes. I know that I get to see them on the computer every week, but remembering what it was like to hold them, hug them, kiss them... and now I am crying again!
I don't know how to explain how I am feeling, but I will try. I miss those girls SO much that sometimes my heart just aches. But then, in the next moment, I think of how inadequate I am to be a mother, and I am so scared to get them home and mess them up. This all translates into a huge jumble of fear, sadness, doubts, love and many other emotions that settle into the pit of my stomach. Lately though, God has sent me a lot of encouragement! Our church service last week was about waiting, and why God makes us wait. I am not ready! Not, "their room is not ready", or "we don't have all the money yet", but "God is not finished preparing me yet". I have been reminded that I need to focus on my spiritual walk with God, and that is what will prepare me to be a mother. Like I said before, I am inadequate, but my God is more than adequate!! He is all I need! A wonderful new mother in my church has been such an encouragement to me lately too. I look around at moms who "have it all together" and think, how am I ever going to have it all together like them? I have nothing together! But this mom explained to me that everyone feels this way, no one is perfect and we all have doubts. And from the outside, I look like I have it all together too! Oh. God has brought this woman into my life to tell me exactly what I need to hear. I need to stop depending on my own abilities and remember that "I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me..." Thank you!
Back to the girls. So we still Skype with them every Sunday morning. We only have a translator there every other week, and it's actually more fun when she's not there. We are then forced to communicate and understand each other through motions and facial expressions. And if all else fails, we go to the weekly staple of arguing back and forth about which is better, chocolate or vanilla ice cream! Dad and A like vanilla, mom and E like chocolate. We can go back and forth on this topic for several minutes! :) The girls have always been told about adoption, and that they would have parents one day. So they understand the concept. They even call their foster parents, aunt and uncle. But remember, they are only 7 and have been with this foster family since they were 4, so this is the only family that they remember. They are very attached to this family, which is great, because a lot of orphaned children have trouble attaching to anyone. But it is so hard to think of taking them away from this family who clearly loves them and takes very good care of them. When I thought about "saving an orphan", I thought that we would be taking them from a dirty orphanage where they get no love and attention. But they are in a loving, safe, and stable home. There are two things that are helping me cope with this: 1) Since June of 2007, we have been praying that God would prepare us for adoption one day, and that we would take care of and protect our children, whoever and wherever they may be. This foster family is the answer to that prayer. They are loving and protecting our children until we can bring them home. And 2) They are not learning about Christ in their foster home. I often think, "Can I be as good of a mom to these girls as the foster mom? What makes me think they will be better off with us, than staying where they are?". Our ultimate goal is not to "save" orphans from a dirty, nasty orphanage; but for Christ to "save" them from a dirty, nasty life of sin and separation from Him. I may not understand all these little questions and doubts that have crept into my mind. But I do understand that God has called us to adopt these girls, and I should not question His Will. So I will follow down this road that He has lead us on, and trust Him to show us the way.
So, where are we in the process? Well, all we need is a court date! This court date will be the day that we are legally declared the parents of our girls. We don't have to be there for court, there is lawyer who will be there for us. We were assigned to a judge at the end of July. We knew that the judges all take vacation for the month of August, so we waited patiently for September to come. But we still didn't get a court date. I asked our agency about it, and told me that our Judge has been there for a long time, so she gets EXTRA VACATION! One month isn't enough, let's give her two! Ughhh! So now we have to wait until October for her to come back to the office. And of course, September has been the slowest moving month of this entire year! Best case scenario: We get our court date scheduled as soon as she gets back, and court would be in mid-October, we could then travel in 4 weeks to get them in mid-November. Of course if anyone drags their feet (That doesn't happen in the government, does it?) then it could be later. Our hope is that we can at least have them home for Christmas this year.
Please pray for us as we wait, pray for patience, but also pray that God prepares all 4 of us to be a family for Him. We also still don't have all the money that we will need to finish the process, so pray that God will provide, as He always has. Our wonderful church is throwing us an "Adoption Shower" to help us prepare for the girls, and they have also set up a money tree to help with fees. This is such a huge blessing for us!!! We have heard back from only 1 more of the grants that we applied for, they approved us for a $1,000 grant! Yay! If you would like to help financially to bring these girls home, there a t-shirt fundraiser on the right hand side, at the top of the blog. They are only taking orders until the end of this month, and then they are closing for good. So, hurry and get your shirt. You can also donate to Paypal, also on the right, top of the blog.
Or you can donate to: Lifesong for Orphans
202 N. Ford St. - PO Box 40
Gridley, IL 61744
write in the memo line: preference Hansen #2821
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